Unsatisfied

It's seems like everytime when I post an entry I am moody. I admire other's life, their life are so contented and live fully to their life. They are happy, always put on beautiful smile, they love what they are doing and having.

What am I lack of? Why am I not happy? I try to do things that make me happy, but it doesn't last. I enjoy dancing and baking. I love doing these. I feel flattered when people said my movement of cha-cha or salsa steps are beautiful. I feel satisfied when people tasted my cake, cookies and scone, and said they are delicious. I admit I like attention. But I don't this just for attention, as these are what I like.

Maybe, I am lonely. I think I am growing older, and people around me urge me to get a partner. I got stressed when I hear too many of these conversation. I pretend to smile back and tell them not to worry about me. My standard is too high, the right one has not appeared. Is this really true? 50/ 50. Am I really set a high standard? I believe in feeling. When things come right, even he is poor or different races, I won't bother too much.

I told my friends, maybe I will stay single if I do not meet a right one. I don't have the confidence to have a life partner. It's so "temporary" to me. It comes and goes, and never stay long.

I don't really share what I really feel with friends, there are only one or two that I can open myself with. I always think I don't need a lot of friends, keep a few who really care for me, share each others' happiness and sorrowness. That's why, I do not have a lot of good friends, cos I don't develop a deeper friendship with them. However, I envy those who have a lot of friends around, they seems very happy together. What a dilemma, I actually hope I have a group of friends who can do things together.